The concept and the institution of marriage has been misused. The so-called rebellious ones think marriage is bondage, like the opinion on same sex marriage. They want free relationships or cohabitation or whatever call it perhaps freedom. Rebelling without any purpose doesn’t mean anything. It is just the ego. The ego always wants to break everything and do something new. But if you carry on with this new thing for 2 or 8 years, this will also become old and miserable. Even couples who are in a live-in relationship are fighting with each other. So, these problems are not because of marriage. It is because of people’s own incompleteness and immaturity.
No marriage is perfect but can be seem perfect if the level of maturity, sincerity and openness is there destroying the institution of marriage that God created for the sake of same marriage would be the foolish thing in my own opinion right now because you still don’t have a good substitute for it. It is something we created for our convenience, but still you don’t have an alternative better than that. With the alternatives that have been created, there is so much struggle in people. People thought they could be with anybody, but they struggle, they fight, they have their jealousies and all sorts of problems. Isn’t that the reality of the world? Seeing all this, the institution of marriage was created.
Uncommitted relationships can cause an enormous amount of insecurity in people.
With the seeming friendship in marriage that I left from my parents for over 35 years of being together has made me see that there was and there is some sense of commitment in other to make the imperfectable range of love seen within a close range. The commitment pulled you back if you went off the way. It put you back on track a little bit. Uncommitted relationships can cause an enormous amount of insecurity in people. This is what has happened in the most of the advanced countries. Most times I come to understand that romance has died in most of our family relationship and marriage. Relationships have become so painful because they are constantly uncertain. People may do something because it seems fashionable right now, but most people do not have the stability of mind to handle such uncertainty. Desperately trying to hold on to somebody all the time just destroys a human being in so many ways. When he is constantly uncertain, a human being’s capability to live comes down dramatically.
Human beings have so many complex emotions, that we must understand in other to make even our relationship, courtship and above all marriage. If you just leave it to run riot, most people will become insane. There are a few who are free from this but 97% of the population is capable of going insane if their emotions are not somehow organized and channelized. The institution of marriage was created to handle all this that’s why marriage is for men and not for boys in other word it’s not age that defines when you should marry but your level of maturity. Unfortunately, like so many things, this has been misused. When I say misuse, I am not talking about just women having suffered. Man has also suffered. It is just that women are a little more vocal about their suffering.
Most often it is not just that one suffered, the other also suffered but the other was made in such a way, he cannot make an investment of his suffering. He is ashamed to say “my woman is making me suffer.” He feels he will become less of a man if he says that. But it is easier for a woman to say it out. So, both have suffered and misused marriage in different ways. Once misuse comes in, some people will say “we must end marriage because this is causing suffering.” I would say, don’t destroy any institution unless you have a better substitute. If you have risen in your consciousness in such a way that you have absolutely no sense of possessiveness, you have no need to belong to anyone, if you have that level of consciousness, then you just live. But that is not true with most people.
This is why in Indian tradition, they created a certainty to relationships. Once you are married, it is for life. There is something very beautiful about it, but at the same time, if it becomes a source of exploitation, it can become very ugly. So which system is better? There is no system which is good in the world because every system can be exploited and misused. At the same time, every system can be used to live wonderfully. What we do out of it is the whole thing.
So, whether a live-in relationship or cohabitation or whatever is suitable or not is an individual thing. There is no common prescription. But from what I see, most human beings don’t have the stability of mind to handle constant uncertainty; they will go mad, which is what is happening in the world today. Too many people are going insane simply because they are not able to handle the uncertainty of life. Your economic situations, your social situations, even your physical situations are uncertain. But if at least in your emotional situations there is some stability, it gives you a base to live your life more effectively. If you do not need it, it is up to you. It is individual but most people need it.
Let’s all make our relationship work, Prepare for marriage
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